Today I have hurt myself. I was turning around to get some cheese from the fridge and my back went into spasm. I was frozen, MrM applied pressure and helped me to the sofa. I felt utterly pathetic. Every time I moved I yelled in pain. I sat, stiff as a board, whilst the world went on around me. Of course it was a typical Sunday. And in typical I mean chaotic.
Aine has been having seizure activity today. That’s not actual seizures. She has a cough and her tolerance is lowered. She shouts a lot, her behaviour is markedly worse. She is more demanding, and her sleep is interrupted. In fact she’s lying next to me at 3.30 am watching TV after waking and having a full on 20 minute meltdown!
So my point is, as a carer, what do we do when we are sick. Well the true reality is, we suck it up and get on with it. Like most parents. However most parents don’t have to physically lift their seven year olds into the car or into the bath. They don’t have to lie motionlessly in bed with two heavy legs resting in their hips for comfort. They don’t have to push a heavy child in a wheelchair. They don’t have to maul their (non-compliant) child into their clothes every day. They don’t have to pick them up, screaming and objecting, after a fall. But I do. And how do I do that with an injured back. It’s not a day job I can ring in sick for, or ask for reasonable adjustments for. It’s not a job, it’s a life, and I won’t compromise her welfare. I can’t.
So the truth is I just have to do the best I can. Use MrM when he’s here, ask friends and family for help and just get on with it. It’s a busy week ahead so best knuckle down and throw back the painkillers.
Well thank Heavens, all done! The festivities I mean. My first Christmas in retail, I was dismayed when the first ‘festive’ items hit the shelves in October. Just a few boxes of biscuits dotted around. Warning people that they need to start thinking seriously about Christmas. After Halloween, the Christmas goods were spreading across the store at speed. Thankfully we didn’t start the music until December and then it wasn’t ‘full-on’ Christmas songs, just the odd one slipped in alongside Bruno Mars.
You know from my previous blog that Christmas was going to be a relaxed affair. It was. The kids stayed in their jamas, MrM too! Aine spent most of the day in bed. She was having seizures, and the same on Boxing Day, whilst I was at work. Some people were quite rude and then a lovely lady, when I apologised to her for her wait, said ‘and I’m sorry that you have to work on Boxing Day’! And apologised for the previous customer’s attitude too! You meet some genuinely lovely people in my job! I digress!
So Christmas is over, I can stop worrying about that, but then New Year’s Eve approaches and brings with it the pressure to have a great night and party until the sun comes up! No thanks. I’ve always hated New Year. When I was young it was the pressure of finding the right venue, then getting home. Wanting to wear a coat because it’s cold, but not wanting to look frumpy! Now I’m older it’s no different. Pressure to have fun. It’s all so contrived. I can’t stay awake normally so why would I manage it on NYE? I get emotional at Auld Lang Syne. I think of those that are not here. I worry about drawing a line under a year and hoping for better times because they may not come. And good times ebb and flow don’t they? They don’t follow the calendar. So grumpy me is glad it’s all over. In our house last night, I fell asleep on the sofa just after 10 o’clock. MrM and the big un woke me up at 11.55 to ‘participate’. I did, and then went to bed. Which was shared with Aine due to more seizures. And Ned woke a few times scared of monsters. Just the normal pattern.
So it’s all done, for another year. The tree will be coming down very soon, I’m removing decorations bit by bit and restoring some ‘normality’ in the house.
And now I can breathe. Just don’t get me started on the beach holiday adverts ………